Fatalism
by piper maru duchovny
Summary: She'd once told the redhead that she didn't just end up anywhere but now Callie Torres is thinking that maybe all the roads, all the choices she's ever made, have lead her here to this. - Caddison. Post Grey's s9 finale.
1. Chapter 1

**I'm sorry if this seems a bit disjointed. It's really just meant to be a setup for a larger story that you will be seeing unfold. This first chapter is formed from bits and pieces of a fic I started writing in my dear friend, Rachael's ask box on Tumblr. **

**Rachael, this is for you as we all well know. I love you, my dear twin. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing**

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As the sun rises, Callie Torres pulls the car into the driveway of her best friend's beach side abode. Her daughter is sleeping restlessly in the back, legs and arms all akimbo in her carrier, and raven hair matted to her face from sleep sweat. She parks the car and climbs out, wiping at her face and praying that she doesn't look like she's been crying for the last sixteen hours. Even though she has. She has been since she and Arizona faced off, since she went home and stuffed everything she could find into bags and stuffed them in her car, all through Oregon and part of California too. Her eyes are swollen and her throat is raw, she feels about twelve different shades of ugly, but she's sure Addison won't care.

Sofia is soft and malleable in that way that only comes with deep toddler sleep and forms against her mother, sinking into the familiar embrace. Her heart nearly shatters again because Sofia is so attached to Arizona and everything is so fucking broken. She shakes away the sadness and makes her way to the front door that's already open and her best friend is looking out at her with tired eyes. Addison opens the screen door and lifts her arms for an embrace that Callie readily sinks into. "Arizona cheated."

"Come on," Addison whispers and takes one of Callie's wrists in her own, pulling her toward the stairs. They climb in silence as Addison leads her through the beach house to her son's room where she lifts Sofia from her mother and settles her in the crib next to Henry with a kiss to both their foreheads. Then she's taking Callie's hand and leading her down the hallway to her own room.

They fall to the bed and Addison molds herself protectively around the brunette, pressing idle kisses to the crown of her head as her shoulders shake with exhaustion and overwhelming sadness. She twirls a raven lock around her finger and lets it go, repeating the action over and over until she feels Callie slip from consciousness. Obviously there is talking to be done but that can wait a few hours.

–

"It really happened," Callie murmurs as she awakens to meet her best friend's blue eyes staring right into her. "Shit."

Addison offers her a sad, tight smile and brushes the hair back from Callie's face. "Talk to me."

"Her name is Lauren. She's new." She talks idly, her fingers seeking out Addison's on the bedspread, as if to borrow some of her strength. Her eyes flutter close as she tries to find the words. "She's been through a lot and I guess this woman... She... God, Addison, it's almost sick because they're both perky blonds that look like they could be related." Callie sighs as the tears start to pool again. "She had on Arizona's scrub top. Her wedding ring pinned to the fucking shirt and that woman was wearing it like a fucking medallion."

"Oh, Callie..."

"And Arizona had the audacity to pin this on me because I cut off her fucking leg." She bites her lip and breathes deeply for a moment. "I think I hate my wife, Addison."

"I'll hate her too," she vows. "Power in numbers."

Then she's laughing for the first time in twenty-four hours and she rolls into her friend, Addison's arms coming up to shelter her. "I... Last night, when it all hit the fan... I just wanted Mark because he's always been the one I ran to. And he's not here. So I just took Sofia and I left because I couldn't breathe and then, somewhere in Oregon, all I wanted was you."

"You have me," the redhead promises with a kiss to her forehead. "I've been missing him too." He had always been Addison's port in the storm – ever since they were wide eyed kids in medical school. When the shit hit the fan, Mark Sloan was the one you wanted by your side. That's just how it was. And Addison knew all too well what it was like to have that and now it was ripped away from them both. "Mark's head would be exploding if he could see us right now," she mumbled with a glance down at their tangled limbs.

Callie let out a deep throaty laugh at that. "Mmm," she hummed. "I'm pretty sure that this was his idea of heaven."

"Yeah."

"Hey Addison?" She turns to lay on her side, hovering over and tangling her hand in the fiery locks that had slid across Addison's frame of vision. "You were wrong, you know?"

"Oh?"

"Yeah," she nods. "Erica wasn't the first time I was interested in a woman... You were."

"Huh," Addison shrugged. "You were mine too."

It's so nonchalant that it takes a few seconds for her words to sink in but then they do and Callie is kissing her best friend. Her brain is screaming that it's all too soon, too much, too fast. She only just found out about her wife's infidelity the night before, her child is sharing a crib just down the hall, there's all kinds of reasons and logic that are screaming against her actions. But then Addison is kissing her back, rolling their bodies, canting into her and it's all so much and so right. Her hands are everywhere; Addison's hips, her shoulders, her hair. She can't get enough and it's making her insane.

"Callie," Addison pulls back momentarily. "I can't... If..."

"Stop," she whispers with a finger at Addison's lips. "Stop thinking so damn much."

"Can't help it," she mumbles against the tip of Callie's fingers before pressing a sweet kiss to the soft skin there. "I don't want to be a regret, Callie."

"Never," Callie promised and rolled them over again. "Now, will you please stop thinking so damn much?"

"Yes ma'am."

Just as their lips were brushing again, two cries in unison came over the baby monitor perched on Addison's nightstand. Callie sighed and dropped her head to Addison's neck as she listened to her daughter's half babble and half cry of 'mami' over and over again while Henry wailed. Addison let out something resembling a chuckle. "Why did we decide to have children?"

"I'm sure there's a reason but right now all I have is that it's a good thing they're cute."

Another peck to her cheek and Addison slid out from under her to make her way down the hall. Callie took a moment before following. She watched from the doorway as Addison scooped up not just her son but Callie's daughter and comforted them. She watched as Addison propped Sofia on the edge of the changing table and protectively kept her there with a well placed hip as she changed Henry. Then she watched as Addison changed her daughter before making her giggle with raspberries on her exposed stomach.

She walked across the floor to look over Addison's shoulder, her fingers coming up to curl at the smaller woman's hips. "Hey pretty girl. Does your Addison think she's funny?"

"To a seventeen month old, I'm hilarious." Addison made a goofy face and Sofia erupted in another bout of giggles. "She looks so much like Mark."

"Yeah," Callie agreed. So often everyone got caught up in the color of Sofia's skin, the crooked grin on her face, all they could see was Callie. So much of Mark had ended up in their daughter; the way Sofia laughed, the attitude she copped when she didn't get her way, the way she could flirt herself out of any punishment. "She does."

"We okay," Addison asked as she sat the toddler on the floor and placed her son next to the little girl. Sofia observed the little boy for a moment before leaning over and placing a kiss on his nose and letting out an excited cry of 'baby'.

Callie nodded against her shoulder, wrapping her arms even more tightly around her friend. "We're more than okay."


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to Rachael for the AMAZING cover art for this story and also for being the driving force behind this piece of work, my beloved heart twin. **

**Also, you should listen to Where We Belong by Thriving Ivory while reading, okay? Just do it.**

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She ignores the fifteenth call from her wife, deletes the seventh voicemail that begins "Calliope, I", and then pulls her knees to her chest as she looks up at the ocean beyond Addison Montgomery's backdoor. The fiery redhead has taken their children down to the water; Sofia dances in the sand, her tiny hands tangled with her beloved Addie's fingers as she spins just at the water's edge. Addison, herself, is knelt at the edge of the ocean with one hand holding onto the dancing Sofia and the other wrapped around her son as Henry splashes gleefully in the surf. She's beautiful, Callie thinks, as she watches the waves dampen the cuffs of Addison's jeans and how wide her smile is as she laughs at something her daughter's said. Callie slams her phone down on the top step and takes off down the steps to the only people who mattered anymore.

The brunette curls her hand at Addison's waist, pulling her up and into a soft kiss. They're doing this dance, walking the fine line between diving in too fast and going too slow. Addison cants into her with a sigh but then Henry is whimpering, babbling a sweet "mama mama mama" as he wiggles his little body toward the call of the sea. Callie laughs and kisses Addison's forehead before taking the little boy from her best friend and kissing his jet black hair and lowering herself to the sand with the child on her lap. His tiny fingers curl around her fingers the way that Sofia's used to and she holds him up to let the cool water rush around his dancing toes. "You're going to be a dancer, aren't you?"

"Ballet," Addison agrees as she drops to the sand next to Callie. The water rushes around them and dampens their clothes but they don't seem to mind too much because they're so enchanted by all of it – the laughter of their children, the calm of each other, the pull of the ocean.

"Sofia's starting ballet when she's three," Callie explained. "Arizona thinks..."

"You can say her name," she encourages with the nudge of her knee at Callie's thigh. "You're married, Cal, and that marriage might be coming to an end but she was... is... still your wife, still a part of your life. You can't pretend she never existed."

"I... I wish I was angrier at her," Callie confesses. "I wish that I'd had the energy to stay and fight but we've been ending for so long now that it doesn't feel all that different. I'm hurt that she cheated on me instead of just telling me that she was done but it all just feels like it was a long time coming. And right now? I'm happy. With you."

"I'm happy with you too," Addison tells her and leans in, kissing her gently.

A throat clearing behind them rips them apart and Amelia Shepherd stands with her hands on her hips, eyebrows raised, and looking expectantly at her ex-sister-in-law for an explanation. "Addison... I... Wow. That's hot."

"Amelia, filter," Addison commands with a blush. "Callie Torres, Amelia Shepherd. Amelia Shepherd, Callie Torres." She turns to Callie with a smirk. "Derek's little sister."

"Mark's Callie?" Amelia asks as she joins them in the sand.

She cringes at the possessiveness but shrugs. "I was never Mark's Callie but he was my best friend. That's Sofia," she nods at the daughter she shared with him.

"Cuter than her pictures," Amelia chuckles and snags the wild child who is passing her. "Hi kid. I'm your Auntie Amelia. Your daddy and I grew up together."

"Daddy," Sofia sighs his name forlornly. She was just beginning to talk when they lost him but Callie fought long and hard to keep his memory alive for her. "Daddy in heaven."

"Yeah, he is," Amelia agrees. "He was a good guy. One of the best."

Sofia seems to have her father's perceptiveness, judging people at lightning speed and deciding if they're going to be one of her people or not, and Amelia is most definitely in. "I play," she explained. "Come splash?"

"Manners," Callie reminds her.

"Please?" The little girl tilts her head to the side and bats her lashes in that definite Sloan manner.

Amelia laughs. "Sure."

Sofia begins her dancing again, tiny feet kicking at the water and now using Amelia as her splashing target as she bounces about. Amelia laughs heartily while occasionally tossing handfuls of water at the now soaked toddler. The girl seems to have a calming effect even on Amelia's inner turmoil – she's healed a lot since the loss of her son but it's been awhile since she was playful and happy with children other than Henry.

Callie smiles and wraps an arm around Addison as she watches the pair, Henry growing tired and falling to lay across their legs that touch. Addison plays with her son's hair and leans into the other woman's touch, tilting her head to kiss the underside of Callie's chin. "This is nice," Callie whispers. "Wonderful even."

"Yeah," Addison agrees. "I think Amelia's been needing a touch of Mark in her life – they were pretty close while they were growing up – and Sofia is just... she's so much you and so much Mark at the same time."

"It's okay to miss him," Callie reminds her gently. "If it's okay for me to talk about Arizona then you have to let yourself miss Mark. Someday Sofia is going to ask questions that I can't answer, Addie. Stuff about Mark before I knew him about who he loved and why. She'll want to know about her daddy and her Addison. About Ella."

The name she had given their unborn child makes her gut twist and tears pool beneath her eyes. "He told you?"

"When we were trying to come up with names for Sof," she explains as she twists a fiery lock around her fingers. "He loved you, Addison, and I know that you loved him. So it's okay if you miss him and if you look at Sofia and think about him. It doesn't make me care about you any less. It doesn't hurt me to know you think about him."

Addison watches Amelia chase Mark's daughter down the beach and she turns to burrow her head in the crook of Callie's neck. "So much of my life was wrapped up in Mark Sloan. There is so much that I can't think about without thinking about him too."

"I know," Callie promises with a kiss to the crown of her head. "Just like there's a part of my life that Arizona is wrapped up in. Mark is wrapped up in yours. That's okay. We just have to move forward – with each other, I hope."

"Me too," Addison whispers and her fingers come up to cup Callie's chin as she leans in to kiss her deeply. Callie sinks into her touch and she barely remembers to keep her arm wrapped around Henry as Addison's tongue dances over hers.

Amelia returns to the group with Sofia upside down and giggling in her arms. She's never considered Addison being into women but she's not so sure that Addison has ever considered it herself – maybe Callie is just the right person at the right time. She flops down beside them and covers Sofia's eyes with a laugh. "Okay, that's enough, you're scarring the children."

"Shut up, Amelia."

"Addie is so mean to me," she informs the wiggling toddler.

Sofia narrows her eyes at the brunette."Mine Addison."

"I think you're going to have to fight your mommy for her."

Sofia leans around Addison to look at her mother. "Mommy, MINE Addison."

"Oh really?" Callie shifts Henry to one leg and pulls Addison into her lap with one arm before sticking out her tongue at her daughter. "My Addison, Sofia!"

"MINE ADDISON," Sofia protests loudly.

"No, mine," she counters.

Sofia's eyes water and her lower lip quivers. "Mine," she whispers softly. "Mine Addison."

Addison steals her from Amelia and covers her face with kisses, tickling away the blues. "Mine Sofia."

Sofia settles into her lap, her chin resting on Addison's shoulder, the look she gives her mother a smug look of 'ha, I won'. She then turns in Addison's lap and reaches out for her new best friend. "Mine Am'ia."

Amelia just laughs and allows herself to be pulled into the dog pile by the little girl. "As you wish, little princess."


End file.
